a bad week and will be off for weeks...

internet is back being okay but sadly i won't be on the net as i'm taking a break. that is if you consider a week or two as a short term break~ i might be on MSN occasionally and don't expect too much on it as it's not a promise that i'll do so. been having a few days of straight disappointment and the rain in my days haven't stop either so there's no happy mood or emotion as such for now. i'm still worried about 3 people that i know they won't take what i did to heart but still worry if they're mad at me. it wasn't done intentionally and i, myself wouldn't have done that even if i have a purpose of doing so. i'm so sorry... i miss these 3 people badly. that's one thing and the other is that i'm hurt by the fact that my trust is again misused but in a way one think it's okay by me when it's not, at all. i know it's a little thing but i got my trust misused a month ago and i still haven't recover from it. the truth still stings me more than how the lie tortured me for months.

i have everything at its worst at the moment that i'm actually being hateful towards everything and i'm emotionally stressed. i'm not an emo or trying to be one, so don't think of me in such way or not you're an idiot for those thoughts. i mean it. i'm someone who care less what the world have that i don't and as well less concerned that i lack the feelings that my friends emit to and receive from their signifcant others. but somehow, jealousy crept into me and filling in thoughts of how life would have been happier, serendipity even, if i have someone for my own to spend with this year. but jealously alone isn't enough to get me agreeing on the idea to put myself back on to the dating market but it itself is enough to make me depressed. and grimly, the depression grows worst as i realize that i'm alone for far too long. i don't want anyone advicing me to get myself a guy just to end my misery and stop being dramatic because you people don't get it. i'm a complicated person and to elaborate my thoughts on getting myself hooked is more of a complex that just saying how complicated i am. i don't want to be in a relationship because i tend to hurt the other person and leave them under a month. nothing of my wanting but it just works that way with me. the down low is that i'm here just to express myself, somewhere to pour my heart out without anyone saying anything about it.

6 Os & my piece: mannequin

well i'm a tad late by a few days with this but... I GOT 6 Os :D finally the long wait has ended! well i'm kinda frustrated with my chemistry cause i only got a D on it or not i'll have 7 Os :] anyway, my dream of going to SMSA has come true and that's the second dream i've achieved so far~ i have many more dreams that need to be real and made. for the early weeks of february, i'm guessing i'll be quite busy~~ so that means i won't be on the net 24-7 like how i've been in the past 3 months :] oh yeah here's something random:

"Mannequin"

Like a mannequin, movements diasbled,
Glass eyes just watch the world revolves,
Wish this heart isn't sadly dismantled,
So it wouldn't this much hurt just to see him go,
Butterflies netted then pinned to the wall,
Just to satisfy one's hobby of collecting them,
Wish I could have everything and him in my hall,
So I wouldn't have to miss anything,
Lips biten, the sourness had to be swallowed,
Regardless how much I refuse to take it in,
If only he left trails that I could have followed,
Then I wouldn't dream just to see him anymore,
Like a favorite blanket, it's special,
He's the same way but nothing I could hold onto,
I could say he's the oxygen I breathe and all,
But that just wouldn't get me him back would it?
Like a mannequin, movements diasbled,
Glass eyes just watch the world revolves,
Wish this heart isn't sadly dismantled,
So it wouldn't hurt this much just to let him go.