nothingness of everything

i'm at lost. the school is simply dead as it enters June but i managed to extract some fun out of it. don't ask me how, i just do ^^ but as time passes by, i've lost myself into the world of boredom. i simply cannot find the thrill in anything at all. i used to be this hyper-active cheery girl and i missed that part of myself. there's only one person who could retrieve back that part of me and it's impossible for that person to come back to school before 2008 ends. *sigh* my love is a bitch. it just hurts.

i appear to be more quiet lately and i keep on thinking... too much. i force myself to cling upon the past in order to avoid myself from dying and giving up on all hopes. reminiscing the past can sometimes be the only thing that can bring a smile to my face. especially my memories about that person and how i've changed into a true lover ever since our encounter at the end of January. oh how i miss being in love with that person is there to be love by me. since he's gone... my love just feels more unrequited and hopeless. no matter, i still believe that somewhere in the future, he and i are bound to meet each other once more. i just hope that's a statement.

he holds a special place in my heart as he made me quote this to myself:
"i'm an artist and i've lost my inspiration to his leave"
i learned to devote, focus and aim for what i want. i learned to love, tolerate and jealousy while loving him deeply. he creates a beautiful life for me and supplies the never-ending fun of living... if only that could last a little longer. i admit, i've never fallen in love this badly before and never have i given my heart fully to someone before. what shocks me the most is that i care less if he's unable to reply my love as long as i am able to love him and also it doesn't bother me at all if he already has a significant other that he truly loves.