a bad week and will be off for weeks...

internet is back being okay but sadly i won't be on the net as i'm taking a break. that is if you consider a week or two as a short term break~ i might be on MSN occasionally and don't expect too much on it as it's not a promise that i'll do so. been having a few days of straight disappointment and the rain in my days haven't stop either so there's no happy mood or emotion as such for now. i'm still worried about 3 people that i know they won't take what i did to heart but still worry if they're mad at me. it wasn't done intentionally and i, myself wouldn't have done that even if i have a purpose of doing so. i'm so sorry... i miss these 3 people badly. that's one thing and the other is that i'm hurt by the fact that my trust is again misused but in a way one think it's okay by me when it's not, at all. i know it's a little thing but i got my trust misused a month ago and i still haven't recover from it. the truth still stings me more than how the lie tortured me for months.

i have everything at its worst at the moment that i'm actually being hateful towards everything and i'm emotionally stressed. i'm not an emo or trying to be one, so don't think of me in such way or not you're an idiot for those thoughts. i mean it. i'm someone who care less what the world have that i don't and as well less concerned that i lack the feelings that my friends emit to and receive from their signifcant others. but somehow, jealousy crept into me and filling in thoughts of how life would have been happier, serendipity even, if i have someone for my own to spend with this year. but jealously alone isn't enough to get me agreeing on the idea to put myself back on to the dating market but it itself is enough to make me depressed. and grimly, the depression grows worst as i realize that i'm alone for far too long. i don't want anyone advicing me to get myself a guy just to end my misery and stop being dramatic because you people don't get it. i'm a complicated person and to elaborate my thoughts on getting myself hooked is more of a complex that just saying how complicated i am. i don't want to be in a relationship because i tend to hurt the other person and leave them under a month. nothing of my wanting but it just works that way with me. the down low is that i'm here just to express myself, somewhere to pour my heart out without anyone saying anything about it.

6 Os & my piece: mannequin

well i'm a tad late by a few days with this but... I GOT 6 Os :D finally the long wait has ended! well i'm kinda frustrated with my chemistry cause i only got a D on it or not i'll have 7 Os :] anyway, my dream of going to SMSA has come true and that's the second dream i've achieved so far~ i have many more dreams that need to be real and made. for the early weeks of february, i'm guessing i'll be quite busy~~ so that means i won't be on the net 24-7 like how i've been in the past 3 months :] oh yeah here's something random:

"Mannequin"

Like a mannequin, movements diasbled,
Glass eyes just watch the world revolves,
Wish this heart isn't sadly dismantled,
So it wouldn't this much hurt just to see him go,
Butterflies netted then pinned to the wall,
Just to satisfy one's hobby of collecting them,
Wish I could have everything and him in my hall,
So I wouldn't have to miss anything,
Lips biten, the sourness had to be swallowed,
Regardless how much I refuse to take it in,
If only he left trails that I could have followed,
Then I wouldn't dream just to see him anymore,
Like a favorite blanket, it's special,
He's the same way but nothing I could hold onto,
I could say he's the oxygen I breathe and all,
But that just wouldn't get me him back would it?
Like a mannequin, movements diasbled,
Glass eyes just watch the world revolves,
Wish this heart isn't sadly dismantled,
So it wouldn't hurt this much just to let him go.

Spurs vs Pompey: 1-1 (Defoe's an idiot)

Tottenham Hotspur VS Portsmouth: 1-1
White hart Lane

it was a game worth 2 hours used upon :) both teams were playing their hearts out and it's good to see Pompey played greatly in term of strategy. it was cool to see they have most of their passes accurate and that Belhadj was able to do a 360 even for a short moment ^^ what amazes me is that they can pull off their play just now when half of the team weren't in a really good mood. it was clearly seen that Kranjcar, Belhadj, Kaboul, Distin and Johnson were a bit low today. it was sad to see Pompey playing without Kanu & Hughes on the field as they're great players and can be quite useful on field. it was also unfortunate to have Wilson substituting Kaboul at the 88th minute when that change should have been done earlier. Kaboul wasn't in a great shape and had been creating mistakes quite often as Utaka. Wilson is more dependable and better with techniques in my view. Also sad to know that Kranjcar got injured in the game later on and that had Hreidarsson came on to field. but overall i'm happy that it was them who scored first with Nugent's goal and how they performed well despite the state they were in. there was a player who was an ex-Pompey that boiled my blood and that is...

Traore defending the ball from Woodgate

Jermain Defoe. god i freaking HATE this player! he played for Tottenham before then bought by Pompey and now he has left Pompey for a chance to play in Tottenham again. damn he was playing either so-so or terribly in Pompey like he has no will to play for them but for Spurs, damn only god knows how excited he was in scoring for the team. first thing crossed my mind, "why transferred to Pompey if you aren't gonna play whole-heartedly for them?" and i hate how he celebrated his goal against his old team just now. when at Pompey, he did put efforts in playing alright but he always miss the chance in goaling! but in Spurs, he grabs any chances there is to score for the team!! the hell man, what kinda attitude is that? i know it's natural for any player to celebrate and be happy with their first goal for their new team but seriously, when it's against your old team, that pisses the fans off and just simply WRONG. i can't believe how quick he forgot Pompey even if it's only been a year for him there but still. once a spurs always a spurs :/ now i just disrespect him as a great player...

Jermain Defoe: the one who forgot Portsmouth easily

Usu & Uncle Hadi's departure :D

yesterday my Usu and Uncle Hadi went on a flight respectively back to Scotland and Jordan. my sister as always reminds Usu Mirul to buy her a Pompey jersey and unexpectedly, she asked for a Pompey bag as well x) not sure if he's gonna buy the bag but the jersey is a certain.
everyone was there at the airport even Amit Nuar O.O he's a rarity when it comes to appearing at occasions xD there were a lot of crowd at the airport and most of them seemed like they were OMO-ing (orang meliat orang) and thank god with Ryyan around to play with, my agoraphobia didn't turn up :) oh yeah, my cousin Qibah had her 17th birthday yesterday :D she had an amazing day she said which is good enough for me to know ^^ i always love it when people say they have a great day on their special day, dunno why but i just like it (: it's kinda nice to see that she turned 17 on the 17th January, the age and the day matches xD i love conspiracy at times~~ oh yeah, Iman went emotional when he saw his dad and Usu went leaving him as the passengers of their plane was called upon. i actually cried along with Iman, i mean the sadness was intense! hey it beats any drama and it's easy to cry along with him since he's only 3 years old :P i'm gonna miss my Usu a lot since he's fun to have around with :) anyway i'll be posting pictures regarding that day later on as i haven't transfer it to my laptop :D

Fun to do :)

Rules:
Go to [link] and type in your answers to the following questions.
Post the first definition it gives you.
Tag 3 people.

1.) Your name: Diba (Dibah hasn't been defined yet :P)

a tall, skinny and seductive woman with a vivacious prowl. any man would want to be in her pantalones; SHES SO BANGABLE! i mean, DAYMM GURL YOU SO FIINE! but boys, dont mess with her, cause that diba's ninja-speed bitching reflexes might get to youu. YA HEARR?!! so in short, all diba's are sexy, and be careful what you wish for cause you just might get itttt ;)

ROFLMAO!!! am i suppose to be happy? xD


2.) Your age: 17

The right age to start having sex, according to Chef on South Park

3.) What should you be doing: sleeping

To masturbate furiously in your room while praying that your grandma doesn't come in.

WTF?? that's insane D:


4.) Favorite color: Blue

The hue of the portion of the visible spectrum lying between green and indigo, evoked in a human observer by radiant energy with wavelengths of approximately 420 to 490 nanometers.

haha so scientific xD


5.) Birthplace: Brunei

An extremely rich country that has very poor neighbors such as Malaysia and other south pacific nations. Capital: Bandar Seri Begawan (Brunei City)

lol i'm proud of my country because of its richness ;D


6.) Month of your birth: October

NUDY MAGAZINE DAY!

O_O (completely speechless)


7.) Last person you talked to: Mom

The woman who loves you unconditionally from birth, the one who puts her kids before herself and the one who you can always count on above everyone else. Just telling her your problems makes you feel better because mom's always know how to make it all go away. Even if you fight, know that she's just looking out for your best interests. Where would you be without your mom?

oh that explains everything :) My mom is totally like this, i love you mama :D

8.) One of your nicknames: Dib

One of the main characters from the cartoon Invader Zim. Dib is a young boy who dreams of being a paranormal investigator when he grows up, even though his father, a world-famous scientist, wants him to study 'real science'. When the alien Zim appears at his school with plans for world domination, Dib is often the only one who can stop him. Unfortunately, no one else realizes that Zim is an alien, so they all think that Dib is insane.

LOL i do talk about paranormal stuff but i'm a GIRL :) and my nickname is either spelled Dib or Deeb. (the reason why i made it into double E's is because someone pronounced Dib as Daib/Dyb D:)

Tagged:
Fatin
Darina
Nurun

Embracing 2009 :)

it's January already meaning it's a new year :D and new year concludes to resolutions!!!! so mine for 2009 would be:

• Get into SMSA (i do hope so, AMIN!!!)
• Meet new people and to be friends with them
• Be a bit more socialize
• Try to not fall in love
• Learn new 5 languages (hope i actually master one :D)
• Add more clothes to my wardrobe xD (colorful ones please)
• Read and perfect my Al-Quran reading
• Memorize down some Surahs
• Try to have more pets than now
• Travel more
• More into keeping money than spending it :P
• Study hard as I'm determined in becoming a lawyer
• Lessen my daily usage of the net
• Maintain the friendly, bubbly and optimistic me
• Maintain my good health (that is NEEDED)

that's so far what i could list for my 2009's resolutions ^^ oh yeah, about my new year night. it was radical and totally fun :D i enjoyed the whole night completely with my cousins and got to see a lot of firework displays (regardless the ones my uncle bought which didn't last long and the neighbor's covered up for the disappointment). also we weren't just celebrating new year, it was our lil cousin, Efa's birthday as well :D she turned 4 that night! and guess what? on 1st January 2009, there's a new addition to the family. Efa's mum (my Usu) gave birth to her second child which is a baby boy! he was all red but cute really ^^ oh yeah here's some pictures taken during the new year night :)

from left to right: Qilah (my cousin), me & Fatin (my sister)


Efa, excited to blow out her candles ^^


Make a wish little cousin~


I understand that he's happily kicking a ball...


...But what is up with him kicking a coconut O.o


Abg Adi (my brother), Fatin, Me, Liyana (in white), Qilah (next to me) & Tikah (my sister in turqoise)


from left to right: Abg Pol (crazy look), Udin, Abg Malek, Daniel & Aiman


One of the firework display (sadly it didn't last long but it's quite big actually)

lol i can't believe i'm doing this post on the first day of school as it reopens today xD and yes, i'm a few days late with the title there :P also with this: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! HOPE 2009 BE A GREAT YEAR TO YOU GUYS!!!!